That elusive balance

Firstly, I would like to say that I have been overwhelmed by the positive feedback and your participation.

The standout issue you raised was BALANCE, followed closely by FINDING “ME” TIME. The other key areas were TIME MANAGEMENT, MANAGING EXPECTATIONS and ELIMINATING GUILT. Probably no surprises there.

Balance - We all want it. But does anyone have it? Most importantly, how do we get it?

The idea (or ideal) of balance is going to be different for each of us. For me, one of my all-time favourite sayings is “it’s all about balance”. In my life Before Children (“BC”), I used the phrase with reference to the good life (eating, drinking, socialising) balanced against well-being (exercise and sleep). Now, with three young children, balance has taken on a completely different meaning.

Jo (Coach & mother of 3) made a similar point. Jo feels that her idea of balance is hardwired to connect with her life BC but that balance with a family is a completely different proposition. Firstly, life with a family changes day-to-day and week-to-week, but we generally don’t adjust our expectations of ourselves accordingly.

As mums, we feel that we should be able to do “everything” and then we beat ourselves up when we don’t cross everything off our to-do list. But have we consciously changed our expectations to properly take into account the unpredictability of life with a family?

The basis of balance seems to be between those things we WANT to do (“me” time, sleep, exercise etc) and all the jobs we NEED to do (work, running a household). You may have noticed that I didn’t include "spending time with kids" in either the wants or needs list. For me, this changes on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis, largely dependent on their needs and wants (and perhaps how passionate they are in their demands).

It seems, for many, it is rarely about TIME BALANCE, but rather (to quote another Workplace Mum) QUALITY BALANCE. What are the things that I want to do, that will most contribute to my feeling of balance?

Claudia (business owner & mother of 2) says that changing her own expectations and attitude have contributed to her sense of balance. She prioritises regularly and knows what really needs to be done. Occasionally she needs to be reminded that it isn’t her family’s fault she has a lot on her plate, so it isn’t fair to “take it out on them”. Instead of resenting this reminder, it helps her focus on what’s truly important. She says “every day doesn’t have to have an outcome; sometimes its okay to just get up and be”.

My tips:

1. Bring awareness to your expectation of balance so you’re not focused on life BC. 
2. Be clear about what you WANT and NEED to spend your time on (writing a list may help).
3. Create a vision of what balance would ideally look like for you. We need to know what we’re aiming for, if we are going to achieve it.
4. Consider what will contribute to a sense of QUALITY BALANCE rather than trying to balance your time.
5. Set yourself one action right now that will contribute to your sense of QUALITY BALANCE.
6. Think about some measures that will help you know when you are on track and perhaps, more importantly, when things are going off-track, so you can do something about it.
7. Learn to prioritise (or continue to improve your prioritising skills, and it is a skill which can be learned) and make the most of any small pockets of time to cross something off your list.
8. Allow yourself to think about the balance you want to achieve (set some reminders, if you need to); keeping your idea of balance front-of-mind will help you make decisions to bring you closer to that balance.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I am sure we will have more to say on this topic. For now, I would love to hear what balance means to you and some of your tips for achieving balance…please comment below or send me an email using the contact form on the right…